Thirty Failures From the Life You Want

What if the thing you want most in life was just thirty failures away?

In this episode, Liza explores why so many of us hesitate when it’s finally time to move toward the goals we say we want. The problem isn’t usually laziness or lack of ambition. More often, it’s that we care deeply about what we’re trying to build, and stepping into the unknown exposes us to something uncomfortable: the possibility of failing where we don’t yet feel competent.

Drawing on Dr. Carol Dweck’s work on fixed versus growth mindsets, Liza unpacks why failure can feel like a verdict on our worth rather than a step in a learning curve. She shares her own experience navigating this tension, including the moments where she notices herself avoiding the very actions that would move her dreams forward.

Through examples from business, learning, and everyday life, this episode reframes failure as something far more valuable than we often realize. Each misstep adds data, nuance, and understanding about how a system actually works. Without those bumps along the way, we never truly learn how to build something sustainable.

If you’ve been sitting on an idea, a goal, or a new chapter that matters to you but feel yourself hesitating, this conversation offers a powerful reminder: you don’t need to know how to succeed yet. You only need the willingness to step into the arena and begin learning.

To get every episode along with our monthly newsletter, which continues exploring the topic covered in that month's episode plus book recommendations, links to further resources, and helpful exercises, straight to your inbox - sign up here or at lizatullidge.com

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Human-ing is a Maven + Co production.

Transcript

If you knew you were 30 failures away from your goal coming true, from that thing you've been hoping and dreaming about having in your life, was just 30 failures away, how would you show up? Would you hesitate? Would you overthink? Would you make excuses?

Or would you just throw yourself in with such unwavering tenacity to try and stack up those 30 failures as quickly as possible? I think it's really easy for a lot of us when we hear this to think, my God, yeah, I would totally go stack up those failures. Race, race, race, let's go.

But yet something happens when it comes time for reality. When we've set this wonderful goal, dream, vision, whatever it is, and we sit down to actually have to make it come true.

that tenacity that we convinced ourselves, that of course I'm gonna go out and get it, of course I'm gonna go throw myself in for those 30 failures, all of a sudden, sometimes comes screeching to a halt. We tighten, we get uncomfortable, we find every other task to do, but maybe the ones that actually move that needle, the ones that bring on those failures. Why?

that why isn't because it doesn't matter.

It isn't because we don't care. It's often the exact opposite. It's because we care so much.

This new thing that we are creating, this new thing that we are so focused on having as a part of our life, is exactly that it's new. We don't necessarily have proof points to validate ourself. We don't have context and litmus tests to be able to say, belong here, I am worthwhile here, I have value here. And so what ends up happening is each of those failures, instead of being seen as one hurdle to cross, that's a fixed count on the way to the finish line, instead becomes

individual trials and damnations. That each of us, each of those times maybe becomes the time that says you are that imposter or you don't have this skill or look at how wrong you were. Whatever that story has been in our head, each of those failures then can become a sense of, yeah, of condemnation.

And I find this is a really interesting concept. There's two concepts here that I really love when I'm exploring this idea of how we approach failure. The first is Carol Dweck's work on fixed versus growth mindsets. If you've never read Dr. Dweck's book, ⁓ it is fantastic. I will link a link here for it, but I can't recommend it enough. And you've probably heard these terms before, but I think her underlying approach to them is really key.

In fixed mindset, we essentially see a really binary version of ourselves. We either have it or we don't. We either have the capability, the skill set, the approach, the life, or we don't. And so then what ends up happening is when we identify a goal that potentially steps outside of our realm of known, that fixed mindset, unless we're exactly capable of bringing it to life with the tools that we possess right now,

It can feel impossible, unallowed. each, what ends up happening, of course we then avoid those, those racking up those failures because each failure then serves as a reminder of our lack of worth. Something that is out of our control and it's something that we're not capable of getting. So of course we're going to avoid it because then in that sense, for a lot of us, we'd rather live with the idea of that pure potential in the on-net.

We had this beautiful idea and if we'd ever really tried, if we'd ever really wanted it, of course we could bring it to reality. Because that feels really nice versus that fixed mindset of saying, actually, I tried once, it didn't work, and I got shown I'm not capable. So a lot of us end up in these cycles of avoidance, whether it's that

For me, my favorite is going on and tweaking a little deck on Canva or replanting the strategic positioning or having another strategy day. Anything that actually keeps me from having to put myself in the line of fire on that idea. And her other side is the growth mindset. A growth mindset fundamentally believes that skills, capabilities, expertise,

learning is accumulated through experience. That each time we have a foible, each time we make a mistake, each time we fail, it isn't a commentary on our value, it's just a part of that growth process. And that we are infinitely capable of growth and of adaptation. And seen through that growth lens, that growth mindset, what ends up happening is...

we're able to see those 30 failures, then it's exactly that, a developmental curve. And it's really easy to say this theoretically. I totally get how hard it is in reality. And I think for each of us, it's remembering that sense of each time that tightening comes up, each time that fear of failure. Like for me, I can dream a dream a thousand times over. I am great at dreaming, I love dreaming, I can come up with ideas, new products, new content, new positioning, whatever it might be, new businesses.

is la la la, and I can figure that out. I love to figure out the systems, the mechanics, all that sort of thing. But then there's usually one doorway that I have to walk through on the journey of bringing that to life, and it'll hit me. And for me recently, that one's been sales. You know, that moment of putting my idea out in front of someone else to prove that it either has commercial value or it doesn't. And in that moment, I tighten. I resist. I find every excuse to not actually have to do the thing.

And it's really helpful there to be able to recognize that I'm operating then on a fixed mindset. That I'm more afraid in that moment of potential commentary on me than I am of actually having that thing in my life. You know, it's being able to ask myself, well, what really matters here? Is it actually more comfortable for me to never be tested here and to never know if I'm capable or not? Or to have this thing that I've said I wanted in my life?

And so I think that can be a helpful reframe to be able to switch between that growth that fixed into that growth mindset where those putting yourself out there might still be uncomfortable, that exposure might still be uncomfortable. Those foibles and failure might still be uncomfortable, but with each one, you learn more. You expand nuance, depth, expertise, and you truly learn how the system works. Like let's say you decided that you wanted to learn how to, you've launched a new business and you wanted to hit 100K months.

That's a really great number. But if everything just goes perfectly according to plan, sorry I'm sitting on the garden so you're gonna hear sounds, but if everything just, if that just magically happens, you actually haven't learned how to make 100k months

It's worked great, but you haven't learned why it worked or how it worked or what you need to do when it doesn't work. So then you're kind of stuck hoping that the same circumstances repeat and repeat and repeat to allow you to keep having those 100k months. Now, if you have some bumps along the road, if things don't go to plan, if your first idea falls freaking flat on its face and you have to kind of keep toying around and figuring out, you get advice from other people, you have some conversations,

a couple of pitches, it doesn't quite go to plan. You know, in that process you're learning. You're learning what does it actually take to deliver on 100k month. And then once you understand that system, you know how to adapt it and to fine tune it. So, okay, you want to make a 50k month. You know what that means. If you want to reach for 250k month,

You've got a system that might need some more evolution to be able to hit that 250k, but at least you've got the basic framework. You know how it works. You know what the system is. And you know what happens when maybe that system that was really churning out 100k months, all of a sudden starts to sputter. You know how to diagnose it.

Each of those failures, each of those mishaps, taught you a depth of understanding, taught you nuance and true skill set. It's taught you how the system works and it's given you more than you had before. And so I think for anyone, if you've got something that you really would like to make true, but you've done a little bit of an audit and recognize that actually you're not showing up in alignment with that.

and you're showing up in the fear of it and maybe that you're not acting in accordance and that you're acting from that fear and that fixed mindset. Sometimes it's just being able to look at it a different way and just be able to say, okay, I really want this. I'm gonna hold myself accountable to showing up with it. And you know what? I have things I still need to learn here. This is a hypothesis, like the scientific method in school. A hypothesis remains hypothetical, hello, Winkly, until it's tested.

So you've got an idea, this goal that you've set, right now it's just a hypothetical, it's just a hypothesis. It needs to get tested, it needs to get context, needs to get refined so that someone's having the best day. So that you can understand what it takes to bring it to life. So all you're go out and do, it's not a commentary on you, your value, your worth, of course you don't know what you're doing here yet. ⁓

It's not like you looked at yourself when you first learned how to ride a bike and assumed that you should be Lance Armstrong. I know that's probably not the best example. ⁓ But you didn't expect yourself to be an Olympian at day one. There's no way you could have been. You had to learn. so remind yourself of that. Like whatever goal that you've got, whatever new product, new venture, new space, new chapter, new identity, whatever it is, you're gonna have to learn. You've never lived there before.

You've never operated there before. You're gonna have to go out and experience new things. And that is okay. And that is just part of learning how to ride the bike. And it's, you have already done the amazing thing by choosing to show up anyways. You're one step, even by doing that, no matter what the outcome is of that step, you're already 1 % better than you were before.

You know more than you did before. You've challenged your space and expanded into something you've never done before. So well done you.

stop myself from rambling on about this because I could for ages and ages, because it's such an important topic, I'm gonna leave you with one of my favorite quotes that I often rely on as a way to help me.

Reframe when I know that I'm not showing up in alignment with what I want when I'm acting from fear or avoidance rather than that Tenacity, I know I'm capable of in terms of bringing something that I want into reality. It's from President Theodore Roosevelt's man in the arena or woman in the arena speech and Yeah, it's a fabulous one and the quote says

the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strongman stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.

whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs, who comes short again and again because there is no effort without error in shortcoming. But who does actually strive to do the deeds, who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.

so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.